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Can Being Bullied as a Kid Still Affect You as an Adult?

Writer: Nicole San Martin
Nicole San Martin
3 hours ago
3 min read

Yes, being bullied as a child or teen can affect you well into adulthood. Repeated teasing, exclusion, or cruelty from peers teaches your nervous system that other people aren't safe, and that lesson can quietly shape how you see yourself, your relationships, and your work. Here's how bullying leaves its mark and how therapy can help you move past it.


Why does bullying cause lasting effects?

Bullying usually happens again and again, often for months or years, at an age when you're still figuring out who you are. When the message "something is wrong with you" repeats that often, it can sink in deeply. That repeated harm is why bullying can lead to complex trauma, which builds from ongoing hurt rather than one event.

Many people brush it off as "just kids being kids." But your body and mind don't sort experiences by how serious other people thought they were.


What are the signs of bullying trauma in adults?

Common signs include:

  • Feeling anxious in groups or worrying that people are judging you

  • People-pleasing or trying hard to be liked

  • Harsh self-criticism or a voice that sounds like old bullies

  • Impostor syndrome at work or school

  • Trouble trusting friendships, or expecting to be left out

Some women also notice they freeze or go quiet when someone is unkind, even as adults.


Can adult bullying be traumatic too?

Yes. Bullying doesn't only happen at school. Being targeted by a boss, coworkers, a friend group, or online can also leave you on edge and doubting yourself. If it brings up old childhood bullying, the reaction can feel even bigger, because your body is responding to both.

Workplace bullying is especially common, and it can make it hard to focus, sleep, or feel confident in your career.


How does therapy help heal from bullying?

Insight alone often isn't enough, because the fear lives in your nervous system. Somatic therapy helps your body feel safe around people again. Traumatic Incident Reduction (TIR) can help process specific painful memories, like a moment of public humiliation, until they lose their sting.

DBT skills can help you handle hard social moments and speak up for yourself. Over time, many women feel more confident, more connected, and kinder toward themselves.


The words that hurt you then don't have to define you now. We go at your pace, and you stay in control of what we explore.

What happened to you mattered, even if no one treated it that way at the time. If bullying still echoes in your life, book a free 15-minute intro call. I see women in person in Coral Gables and online across Florida, in English or Spanish.



Nicole San Martin, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern, Casa Sol Psychology


Research

  • Arseneault, L. (2018). Annual research review: The persistent and pervasive impact of being bullied in childhood and adolescence: Implications for policy and practice. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 59(4), 405–421. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12841

  • Takizawa, R., Maughan, B., & Arseneault, L. (2014). Adult health outcomes of childhood bullying victimization: Evidence from a five-decade longitudinal British birth cohort. American Journal of Psychiatry, 171(7), 777–784. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.13101401

  • Copeland, W. E., Wolke, D., Angold, A., & Costello, E. J. (2013). Adult psychiatric outcomes of bullying and being bullied by peers in childhood and adolescence. JAMA Psychiatry, 70(4), 419–426. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2013.504

 
 
 

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